and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
We need to feng shui this bitch.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
