I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
