His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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