3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
how drunk are you?
Several
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
