He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
