There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize