I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize