JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
