i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
