Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
