i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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