im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
