So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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