Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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