Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
