i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
