I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!