I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!