My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.