Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
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His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.