Texts From Last Night

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  (949): View more from California

  i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.

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  (949): i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing. http://tfl.nu/t71r
  Replies (61) Good night (716) Bad night (3112) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.

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  (541): im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine. http://tfl.nu/y6yn
  Replies (10) Good night (3949) Bad night (553) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.

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  (717): everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve. http://tfl.nu/thtu
  Replies (9) Good night (696) Bad night (3011) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too

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  (919): Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too http://tfl.nu/1k8w
  Replies (40) Good night (698) Bad night (4206)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.

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  (413): Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed. http://tfl.nu/2338
  Replies (20) Good night (5509) Bad night (522)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.

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  (317): It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English. http://tfl.nu/xp6b
  Replies (5) Good night (3597) Bad night (533) Order T-Shirt
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  (951): View more from California

  better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???

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  (951): better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life??? http://tfl.nu/fjyx
  Replies (14) Good night (5905) Bad night (678) Order T-Shirt
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?

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  (419): So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out? http://tfl.nu/bixu
  Replies (49) Good night (738) Bad night (11914) Order T-Shirt
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  The police scanner is talking about you again....

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  (712): The police scanner is talking about you again.... http://tfl.nu/f6sk
  Replies (16) Good night (8454) Bad night (1189) Order T-Shirt
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  (510): View more from California

  Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?

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  (510): Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night? http://tfl.nu/abjo
  Replies (6) Good night (3333) Bad night (843) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks

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  (610): He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks http://tfl.nu/aq4e
  Replies (8) Good night (2238) Bad night (891) Order T-Shirt
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  (305): View more from Florida

  The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.

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  (305): The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies. http://tfl.nu/h31z
  Replies (9) Good night (2233) Bad night (462) Order T-Shirt
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.

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  (317): Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios. http://tfl.nu/l40u
  Replies (4) Good night (758) Bad night (366)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.

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  (765): Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday. http://tfl.nu/5inc
  Replies (1) Good night (669) Bad night (469) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.

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  (330): Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson. http://tfl.nu/3wwn
  Replies (6) Good night (1090) Bad night (358) Order T-Shirt

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