just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
