I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
