At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
