Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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