I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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