I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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