tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Pooping to opera.
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