where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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