I am puke
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
