I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
