I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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