I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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