She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
