i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
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