you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
