So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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