I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
