Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
