still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
