Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
