my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I wish there were birth control emojis
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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