i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
