my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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