But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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