I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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