did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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