I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
