According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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