Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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