everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
