I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
