that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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