You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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