New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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