The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
