some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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