Whats the glycemic index on semen?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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