So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
