I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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