could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
