i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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