omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I want her autograph on my taint
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
