my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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