I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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