I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
