Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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