apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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