hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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