There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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