The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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