It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
