his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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