im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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