Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
