im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
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