Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
