is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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